Empty Chair Technique: A Powerful Way to Handle Difficult People and Situations

Do you ever find yourself in situations like these?

• A coworker constantly criticizes you in meetings.
• A relative always judges and nitpicks whenever you meet.
• A neighbor can’t stop comparing their child to yours.

You feel frustrated and drained. Confronting them feels too risky, but bottling it up only eats away at your peace of mind.

Research shows that people often spend significant time ruminating over negative events. For instance:

• A study by Yale University found that over 70% of adults get stuck in repetitive, negative thought patterns.
• A report from the American Psychological Association revealed that 28% of people say unresolved conflicts disrupt their sleep, productivity, or happiness.
• On average, we spend 20-30 minutes a day replaying workplace conflicts, time we could reclaim for personal growth or enjoyment.

Whether you suppress your dislike for someone or confront them, unresolved negativity drains your energy. Luckily, there's a way to release that tension and find closure: the Empty Chair Technique.

What Is the Empty Chair Technique?

The Empty Chair Technique, developed by psychologist Fritz Perls, falls under the Humanistic Psychology framework. Perls believed that true happiness comes from self-growth and achieving completeness as an individual.

The purpose of this technique is to explore and address conflicts between yourself and others—or even between different parts of your own mind. By simulating a dialogue between “you” and another person, you can express pent-up emotions, gain perspective, and achieve mental clarity.

How It Works:

1. Find a Quiet, Private Space: Choose a comfortable setting where you feel safe and at ease.
2. Set Up Two Chairs: Sit in one chair, representing yourself. Leave the other chair empty, representing the person you dislike.
3. Start the Conversation: Imagine the person you dislike is sitting in the other chair and talk to them.
   • Say what you’ve always wanted to say.
   • Express your anger, hurt, frustration, and unsaid feelings.
   • You can shout, vent, or just let it all out.
4. Switch Perspectives: Move to the empty chair and respond to yourself as if you were the other person. This helps you understand their perspective and gain a more balanced view of the conflict.
5. Reflect: After the conversation, reflect on your feelings. Many report feeling significantly calmer and more mentally clear afterward.

A senior executive who tried this technique said, “After venting my frustrations at an empty chair, I could listen calmly to a coworker’s ideas during a meeting the next day.”

Why Does the Empty Chair Technique Work?

1. Interrupting Negative Thought Loops

When we endlessly replay conflict scenarios, the brain’s emotional center (amygdala) stays activated, releasing stress hormones and keeping us stuck in anger or anxiety.

The Empty Chair Technique externalizes these emotions into a tangible dialogue, allowing the rational part of your brain (prefrontal cortex) to regain control.

For example, if a coworker embarrasses you publicly and you keep replaying that moment, venting your feelings through this technique can help stop the mental spiral. Taking back control over your thoughts shifts your focus to more productive tasks—whether that means your work goals or your peace of mind.

2. Encouraging Perspective Shifts

Studies show that stepping into another person’s role during a simulated dialogue helps you reframe conflicts and understand underlying motivations.

For example, imagine someone like Emily, who feels targeted by her demanding manager. Her boss constantly points out mistakes and seems overly critical during team meetings. Using the Empty Chair Technique, Emily imagines being in her manager's shoes and responds to herself as though she were the boss. She realizes the criticism is not personal but likely stems from intense pressure to ensure the team meets its goals and tight deadlines.

While this exercise doesn’t make the manager’s behavior excusable, it helps Emily reframe the situation objectively. She sees less malice in her manager's actions, which reduces her emotional burden and allows her to focus on improving her own work rather than feeling stuck.

3. Releasing Unresolved Emotional Tension

Unfinished emotional business keeps your mind busy—sometimes for years. This phenomenon is explained by the "Zeigarnik Effect," which describes how unresolved tasks or experiences dominate your thoughts and memory. Psychologist Bluma Zeigarnik’s groundbreaking studies found the following:

• People are twice as likely to remember incomplete tasks or unresolved issues compared to completed ones.
• These unprocessed emotions create mental clutter, making it harder to fully focus on current or future activities.

In essence, unresolved feelings about a conflict or grudge can occupy your mental and emotional energy long after the encounter.

The Empty Chair Technique provides a symbolic closure ritual by externalizing these emotions into words and gestures. This process allows your brain to “check off” that unfinished business.

For example, imagine you had a falling-out with an old friend over a misunderstanding and never mended the relationship. Through the Empty Chair Technique, you speak to your "friend" about your pain, disappointment, and frustration. Then, by switching roles, you may gain a renewed understanding that the disagreement isn't worth holding on to. Afterward, many people feel like a burden has been lifted—allowing them to move forward without feeling stuck.

This “emotional decluttering” lets your mind focus on present goals and future opportunities, rather than lingering past frustrations.

The Most Elegant Revenge

As the saying goes: “The best revenge is living well.”

Instead of wasting energy on people you dislike, focus on enhancing your own life. Improving yourself is the ultimate “victory.”

Dwelling on negativity only gives troublesome people power over your happiness. Shift your attention back to your own growth and inner peace.

Here’s how:

• Distract Yourself with Meaningful Activities: Read a great book, explore a creative hobby, or focus deeply on work.
• Invest in Personal Growth: Develop new skills, build stronger relationships, or seek new opportunities.
• Learn the "Monkey Butt Theory": In life, people climbing toward greater heights often face criticism or negativity from those below. However, once you rise high enough, all you'll see is smiles.

Don’t waste time trying to change difficult people. Change how you respond to them. The stronger, happier, and more fulfilled you are, the less their presence will even register in your life.

Key Takeaways

Dealing with conflict, especially with people you dislike, is a path to deeper self-awareness. These people act as teachers, helping you learn to build emotional boundaries and preserve your energy.

The Empty Chair Technique is effective because it allows you to release negative emotions, gain perspective, and move forward without direct confrontation.

Next time you feel overwhelmed, give this a try:

• Sit down with an empty chair.
• Pour your emotions into the conversation.
• Return to reality feeling lighter, calmer, and more in control.

As Carl Jung once said:

“Those who look outside dream. Those who look inside awaken.”

Using tools like the Empty Chair Technique, you’ll discover that true emotional freedom begins with caring for your inner world.

---

At NaviPsy, we are dedicated to making professional psychological support accessible, affordable, and empowering for everyone. We offer expert-designed assessments across four major categories: Relationship, Personality, Mental Health and Career. Each of our carefully crafted tests is grounded in well-established theoretical foundations, supported by the latest cutting-edge research, and backed by over a decade of our professional experience.